Friday, February 5, 2010

Ten signs you'll fail the exams

Next week, I will undergo a process millions of students abhor, abominate, despise, detest, disapprove, disdain, disfavor, loathe, look down on, scorn, shudder at, shun et cetera, et cetera. (Whooo, copying thesaurus was harder than I thought.)

It will be my midterms exams next week. One whole week dedicated to a thousand year old ritual observed by millions of educational institutions in the word. And so, foreseeing the approach of the deadly tentacles of the exams speeding before me, with only a few days left to prepare; days that will decide my midterm exam fate with one small move, I decided to do one thing that will definitely define my days to come. I blogged. ( Yes Asher. You almost had it.)

I am no stranger to failing exams. Believe me. In the fourteen years I've been sitting my ass in school, I have come to know and predict the signs that an impending doom is upon your exam results. The impending doom (wow, I love typing "impending doom") has been proven to happen every time these ten things below occurred the night before exams. If you experienced or did these things the night before the big day, you might be on your way to a D minus or a 70. You were warned.

Ten signs you'll fail the exams

1. You blogged about the exams (good thing I steered clear of that.)

2. "Out of nowhere", a case of beer appeared on your table beside your notes.

3. Someone bet you ten dollars to pee on your notes.

4. Your dog ate your notes, then turned into a zombie-eating alligator.

5. Someone bet you ten bucks to pee on your professor's notes.

6. Your name is Peter and this was your quiz paper. (see below)

7. You just became Barney Stinson's new wingman.

8. You created a facebook page entitled, "stop exams = save trees" (which garnered over a million fans.)

9. You didn't review (Yes, scientists had already proven that)

10. Someone bet you ten bucks to pee on your professor. 

Be on guard, if the signs occur, be alert and proceed to the nearest bar. Your beer is all you got for now.

Anyways, you might not see me much next week. I have to pretend to be studying. While I'm gone, please join my Facebook page (on the right, or click here) and also follow me on twitter (on the right too. or click again here.)


  1. LOL that was fun to read, hope your exams will be fun as well! Good luck with them :)

    The only thing that I always did before exam (and it never failed me) - instead of studying late in the night on the day before the exam, I slept by 10PM. It is way better to get a sound sleep instead of studying something that you either already know or will never be able to remember.

  2. good luck bro. you can do it!

  3. I've also found that a misaligned cuticle takes on global priority and must be attended to immediately, slowly and with no thought of the notes in front of you. Well done.

  4. That was too funny, and I think a great tension reliever for you (that at the same time allows all of us to share in the laughter)

    Good luck & Lena is right, getting a good night's sleep is so much more helpful than studying (or trying to) until the early morning hours.

  5. @Beth Chapman

    That's a cool eleventh!

  6. Well fortunately I never had anything of these things happen to me when I was in school!! LOL Many times pizzas would show up though.

    Good luck & remember to take time to clear your head...



  7. I enjoyed your blog. Exams do suck and I, too, have failed exams so I know what its like.

  8. You never know, you could find a professor that likes a golden shower.

    I can't imagine it but it could happen.

    It could!


  9. wehaha...your right...i hate pulls down my grades...grrrr


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