Friday, October 15, 2010

Why I hate hallways

My college building is nothing but hallways. My college building has actually won awards for its prolific construction of hallways. College buildings from faraway lands have heard of the tales of my college building hallways. Minstrels sang songs about the legend of my college building hallways.

The college building did not have hallways before. But when they heard I was going to enroll in the university and learned about my lifetime hatred of hallways. They decide to construct hallways. Story of my life.

I despise hallways. Things get really sucky in the hallways. Here are my reasons:

1) The hallway camera gals: The witches of hallway-land. They wait for you, on your tardiest moments. They watch out for you, rushing to your class like a desperate doe yearning for the lake. Then, when the Asher and the witches meet in the hallway, they bring out these devices, called "cameras" by the wise. One witch goes to the left wall of the hallway with the said device, and the remaining witches pose in a rather lustful manner. Then the device flashes out bright light that captures the moment. As you awkwardly wait for them to finish, they laugh in victory, for they have stalled you victoriously. And when you think they are done, they pose some more, leaving you in agony and defeat.

2) The "May I steal a few minutes of your time" dudes: The taboo of the hallway. One must not speak of the "9 words" question. Most importantly, one must not answer "Yes" to the question. If you have already answered affirmatively, then it is too late for you. But for some who will be in future risk, I must warn you. The "few minutes" they propose is actually equivalent to a precious eternity. Then you will have to face the excruciating offers for free toenail products, polls and surveys on "Which is sexier: Edward Cullen's earwax or Harry Potter's nose hair", and opinions on how armpit odor contribute to global warming. You have been warned.

3) S#it, that's my CRUSH: Damn right, its your crush. This is most unfortunate, especially on days when you decide to wear nothing but Tweety boxers to class (wait...thats just me?), and you see your crush, elegantly frolicking down hallway with...with man-arms around her. I should have worn Snoopy boxers that day.

What do you hate most about hallways?

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