Saturday, March 27, 2010

Facebook makes you SHINY!

(Note: This is not in any way intended to demote Facebook. The content of this blog post is sarcastic and is only for fun. Please read my header, and keep up buddy. And also, Facebook is awesome!)
What’s up! I’m back! I know you missed me, and I missed me too. Man, I’ve been thorugh a lot of adventures but that is a story for another post. Let me first bring you my comeback post about Facebook. Enjoy (and don’t forget to share this on Facebook and Tweeter)
To date, Facebook has 350 million users, practically comprising of 5 % of the total world population. Yes, your mom, yoga instructor and podiatrist are active users of Facebook (and your podiatrist even posted a status about your last check-up)
Dr Paris Heel-Toe is currently checking up a huge red bump under my patient’s sole which seems to be an unusually large foot pimple.
How did Facebook garner this many users?
It is because Facebook makes an average joe look awesome and cool. Facebook turns average, drooling-over-Megan-Fox-poster you into a new, cool, awesome, shiny, Edward Cullen-y someone. What, you never noticed it? A picked-last-in-gym Facebook user can look like Chuck Norris with one Facebook status update. Want more proof? Let us observe Jack McSurname (Yes, I’m really fond of Jack) and his journey of transition through Facebook.
The Registration:
It all starts when Jack hears some coworkers on the vending machine discussing their “comments being liked.” Since comments are rarely liked in the corporate world, Jack becomes curious. That is until one coworker calls him a dumbass and introduces Facebook, the site that will change Jack into a shiny self-loving hunk/jackass. So Jack registers with his name: jack McSurname, but one colleague tells him to include a nickname to make him look more interesting than he really is, so he makes his profile name Jack “sPaNkMyAsSbAbY” McSurname. That is when he realizes he has family on Facebook.
Friend Request:
This is where Jack does the main thing about Facebook: making connections. He starts to invite friends and family members, until he reaches 16 friends, which was enough already for him. That is until his colleague tells him that he can have friends up to 5000 users. This practically excites Jack, since he only has 6 friends in real life (that includes his turtle, Megatron). So he begins to invite all mutual friends. Finally he reaches 5000 and by this time he is “friends” with all kinds of people, to the ex-boyfriend of the math teacher of his nephew’s best friend which is a hairdresser in Siberia, to the uncle of the dentist of his coworker’s nephew which is the official belly-dancing instructor of the FBI.

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