Ten signs your mom is a heavy metal rock star by night

Rock. The very word brings a whole series of emotions. It definitely brings joy to our very cool and busy geologists, while it also brings paranoia puree to conservative parents. To us young people, its the very definition of music.

Your mom had probably at least once scolded you for listening to "trash." Is this a genuine warning against rock and its close cousins sex and drugs or is it a strategy to sway you from the truth that might shock your ass off and change the future breakfasts you'll have.

Your mom is a heavy metal rock star. Wait, wait, do not update your Facebook status of how cool you are just yet. You must confirm the suspicion with these signs. Is cheese not the only thing your mom can shred?

1. She hordes eyeliners because "it is cheaper."

2. She uses screamo to wake you up for school every morning.

3. Your Aunt Phyllis is indeed her lead guitarist.

4. You constantly see her putting mothballs in her closet. That is to disperse the marijuana smell her clothes get from her underground concerts.

5. She kinda looks like a member of Edward Cullen's family.

6. She tucks you in bed too early, so she can rock!

7. Her apron is autographed by Ozzy Osbourne.

8. She sings sweet lullabies to you, courtesy of songs from Black Sabbath and Dio.

9. She signs her checkbook with her blood.

10. She fixes "funny" pancakes.

Rock on!

Justin Bieber is the Antichrist

You must be very familiar with a phenomenon in pop culture where people, especially conspiracy theorists brand other people as the Antichrist, the resurrection of Hitler, the fifth Teletubby, etc. Titles used are commonly and practically anything that may shock us Internet geeks. Victims may be celebrities who are quickly climbing the ladder of fame, newly elected Popes, too-damn-rich TV hosts, and world leaders. I was not surprised Obama was labeled as the Antichrist, and I am surprised Justin Bieber still hasn't been labelled as someone threatening or peculiar (if he is the fifth teletubby, Tinky Winky will be threatened). 

If Justin Bieber is to be branded by the conspiracy theorists as the Antichrist, then a series of conspiracy theories follows. He would blacklist every anti-Justin Bieber fan page on Facebook. His song "Baby" would probably and apparently contain subliminal message to hypnotize today's youth. Oh no! 

That would be pretty weird, yet pretty convincing. Just look how manly Justin Bieber is. Chuck Norris would be embarrassed before this man. His iron fist terrifies many as he sings the intro for the new and sucky version of "We are the World." 

Then again, Justin Bieber does not know where Germany is, so I doubt the premise once more.

Why do they brand famous people as such. I know a Psychology term used for the paranoia in this context, but I cannot find it in my dusty search engine of a brain. This suggests I should review my major a little. There are a lot of questions bothering my mind. Why is Justin Bieber famous? Does Oprah operate her own religion with Dr. Phil as the head?

And the question that bothers me most: Who would be the fifth member of the Teletubbies?

All The Single...Damn It!

"Oh well a you dum dum, a wina finally found you, a hathaway suit hashish a hot that I met it..."


Wait, before you refer me to rehab, that is supposed to be Jason Mraz's song, 'I'm Yours' which has been bugging my mind on the way to school. I obviously don't know the lyrics, and I'm not a fan of the song (what?!? would probably be the reaction of the many) , but when I heard it on the radio this morning, a certain phenomenon occurred.

We've all had it. It afflicts millions, no billions of people everyday, and many are not aware. Unfortunately, there is no cure for....LSS (Average listener: NOOOOOOOO!!!, Record Producer: *evil laugh*)


Last Song Syndrome (or LSS, for the sake of my fingers) is simply repeating and repeating the last song you heard until your pissed (you were expecting something more psychologically profound, weren't you. Okay, if you want that read more.)


LSS could also be called earworm or musical imagery, which is the phenomenon of hearing and repeating a line of a song. Theodore Reik (1888-1969) made the first study on the subject, calling the phenomenon, haunting memory. (Probably he'd been LSS-ing Beethoven's Ode to Joy.)

So what have you been humming lately. Have you sang 'I Gotta Feeling' whilst cleaning the dishes, or sang 'Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take yah' (Kokomo) with your lowest voice while in a bus. Have you passed LSS to someone by singing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight'


"Asher, why do you have an image of barbie here?" You've just made the wrongest question of your day. It's because "I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie wooooorld. Life in plastic, it's so fantastic."

To leave you with the ultimate torture, here is Beyonce Knowles with, Single Ladies!
(In case you are wondering, the ear above is not mine)