Thursday, January 28, 2010

You've said that the nth time already!

The very word conjures negative words. Politicians. Our interest in them is as fanatic as our interest in the Dewey Decimal System (sorry, librarians). We direly wish to deport our very own politicians somewhere else, wherever we live. Though we may be politically active in the manner of tracking our votes and checking our laws and stuff, we never find interest in the suited-up politicians whose real expertise is in the grueling field of smiling.

Its presidential elections year here in the Philippines. Politicians parade their butts down the street with this exact routine: (1) Megaphones blare, announces the politician's name and how awesome and cool and gorgeous they are in their suits. (2) Politicians go down the truck, shake hands and says the script, "I'm *name* running for *office*, you must have heard the megaphone announcing how awesome I am but I just came down here to tell you that again myself." He then turns around, applies hand sanitizer and harasses the next unwary voter.

Politicians pay a lot of money for their staff; speech writers, PR, etc. They build up the force of the politician's drive towards the office. These are essential people they might want to add to their staff in order to build that politically-powerful force they desire.

1. Dandruff Monitor- Essential to the image of the politicians. They provide an efficient service of monitoring and exterminating white specks on the politician's shoulders we common folks call the "dandruff." This will add to the overall charisma of the politician. A good smile is never enough.

2. Funnier Jokes Writer- A must for old politicians since we don't laugh at the "Even Perfecto is not perfect" joke anymore.

3. Perspiration Control Team- This will take more than three people. The ultimate politician's dream (except the office itself, of course). It is a known fact that when someone says lies and crap, perspiration increases. This is where the PCT comes in. Armed with a towel, baby powder and a strong stomach, these experts will turn a perspiring "I did not steal money" politician into a dry, handsome, 'I will serve the country truthfully" politician. Lying had never been easier.

Last thing, stop promising things you had already promised for the last three terms of your office.


  1. Political campaigns are interesting because they all use the the tricks...I know because I ran one many years ago. The campaign I ran was for a City Council seat in a town I lived in....I got the person elected but since have not enjoyed the process as much....I guess it's the best we can do but I always hope for more.



  2. did you watch the presidential forum at dlsu yesterday? just noticed how some of the "presidentiables" were rather sweaty. they should learn from the best, pgma! :)

  3. There are so many things to be said about politicians. I can agree with you that it becomes very tiresome to listen to the painted speeches telling us in varying ways what they think we want to hear.

    On the other hand, I also have to think that although this process tedious, at least we are lucky enough to have the ability to vote and make out voices heard.

    Politicians - can't live with them ... can't live without them. :)


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