Attention Millions of People: Ashton Kutcher's Taking a Crap

You know Twitter, right? The site where people update other people on what they are up to. Apparently, a lot of people use it, with 190 million users, and it is currently ranked by Alexa as the 11th most popular website.

 Makes me wonder. Why is Twitter popular? Probably because of very profound tweets, like this:

jackSPANKME: @p0rndude-R-us0901 Dude, last night was aweSOME!!  watching #porn and startrek in mom's basement, best nayt EVAR!!!

Now that is an eye-opener. People like to show other people that they are single. But it still does not explain a lot about Twitter's popularity.

jackSPANKME: haha, I got a stolen shot of @porndude-R-us0901 snorting cocaine on top of a hooker http://bit.ly/pizza_porndude_is_kewl

Okay, so people apparently like to show cherished pictures of their daily activities. It seems like they want to share and preserve valuable memories for the generations to come by tweeting pictures. Wait, I'm still not convinced. Maybe its the celebrities on Twitter.

therealjackSPANKME: as an actor/director/pantyhose recycling advocate, i would like to say thanks to all my 9 followers. I am here at the set of my latest movie, ATTACK OF THE GIANT #BIEBER

Sure, celebrities on Twitter. Still not enough. How about celebrities who seem like normal human beings on their tweets.

therealjackSPANKME: just ate a whole can of wasabi and downed it with lemon juice. Now on the toilet having a major #crap! 

That answers it! People like to think that celebrities are normal people just like them. They also eat whole cans of wasabi, and more importantly, they also crap! People like to think there is not much difference between him and celebrities so that they can still have the hope of being celebrities themselves.

So I now have a conclusion: Twitter is popular because it makes celebrities appear like normal people, so they can identify themselves with average Joes worldwide. It gives the impression to normal people that they can also be celebrities, just like them (concealing the fact that celebrities are really aliens who had come to hypnotize the people before the extraterrestrial invasion arrives). 

What do you think? Why is Twitter popular? Aside from my theory above, what else do you think made Twitter popular?

To get updates on how I despise Twitter, follow me on Twitter: Go to the side bar and look for the Twitter section.

Hey, always check the sky for the mother ship okay. Just in case.


(dude, the ashton kutcher on the title is only in reference on the fact that he has the most number of followers. he did not actually tweet about crap. come on man.)