Ten signs your shrink is crazier than you

(I would use the word "Psychiatrist" if it wasn't too damn long, so please allow me to use the more popular name - shrink. And also, ummmm, this is sarcastic.)


Have you ever been to a shrink? If your answer is yes, that means you have had some issues (which I am not going to meddle with, because I know it's private, and I really don't care.) You have probably been on one of those couches, and while staring at an Edward Cullen poster on the shrink's ceiling (he believes it to be therapeutic), you must have been asked a series of personal questions, relevant to your state of mind, such as "Have you been intimate to a squid for the last forty-eight hours?"


After all those $500 per hour sessions (plus the $600 night club visits if the shrink was not enough), how do you know for sure if the shrink himself is mentally stable to listen to your rants. How do you know if he isn't crazier than thou? These are the ten signs your shrink is crazier than you.


1. "The thigh bone connected to the knee bone" is something he should not say.

2. The biggest certificate on his wall is "Apple County Hotdog Eating Champion."

3. He sells you Sigmund Freud action figures.

4. He always holds a tobacco.

5. His conclusion to all your failed relationships is "He/she must be the Antichrist."

6.  He cancels your shrink session to attend his own shrink session.

7. He calls you "Depression Dude."

8. He has three pictures on his wall: Sigmund Freud, Dr. Phil and Ozzy Osbourne

9. He pays real and genuine attention to your problems.

10. He lets you read my blog.

The thigh bone connected to the knee bone

Doctor. It is the second coolest career ever, next to being in Hollywood (and acting as a doctor.) This is one of the things I want to be after eight years, aside from being a Hollywood star, President of the Philippines, spy for the CIA and/or rock star. I've always wanted to say, "You don't snort the pills Mrs. Doris, you drink them with your mouth" and other significant medical advice.  I also want to be able to distinguish and memorize the different colors of phlegm and say the most famous and respected phrase of doctors worldwide. - "say ahhh" And, how awesome would I look like with that metal thingy around my neck.

Why do I want to be a doctor, seriously? I believe that doctors are one of the most significant people in the world. They save lives, help sick people, and give away tongue depressors. I believe that being a doctor is one of the noblest thing to do, and I want to be included in that group of noble people. Doctors are living evidences that compassion and sympathy still exist in our world, and though none of those words really fit me that well, I still want to be a doctor, because believe it or not, my sarcastic heart also has its soft side (that can also win elections.) Doctors are like French fries, if it didn't exist the world would cease to exist.

But there is one common enemy that threatens doctors. Apples. They keep doctors away. They leave them unemployed. Darn that apple, you can do it to Adam, but you cannot do it to the rest of the doctors.