You don't eat chocolate? What are you, Mayan?

Chocolates are one of the best things in the world. If aliens invaded our planet the first thing I will store in my basement is the brown stuff, lots and lots of brown stuff. And when the time comes when they aliens have to disintegrate me, I would lose my atoms happily and at peace (jeez, what a nerd). I am glad I am not one of those allergic to the sweet stuff. It would be like having allergy to oxygen, and that would be like a major hassle.

Chocolates are awesome. It is the most popular flavor in the world. Yes, when TV shows ice cream, it sounds dull, but chocolate ice cream - divine. We also have chocolate cookies, chocolate acne cleanser, chocolate caviar and even chocolate-scented bubblewraps.

However delicious chocolates could be, it should NEVER be given to a girl. Giving chocolates to girls is the most desperate thing a guy can do. Yes, girls find it sweet, and by "it" I mean the chocolate. Giving her chocolate is like resorting to biological means to get her to love you and that is just not right. 84 percent of guys who had "won" their partner's heart end up in divorce. Why is that, you might ask. It is because girls fall in love with the chocolate, not with guy. It is only the sensual feeling they get from chocolates that makes them "fall in love" (Wow, I am really great at dating and romance advice).

The chocolate business is currently a 50 billion dollar industry, mostly because of the geniuses stated above. It is produced by an oligopoly called the "Big Chocolate". 

Behind the divine chocolate taste lies the bitter controversy of massive child labor related to chocolate manufacturing. No, Jack, I am not talking about Charlie and how he owned Willy Wonka's factory. It is a widespread slavery in western Africa, where 10 percent of the total chocolate labor force were kidnapped from their own homes.

And one last tip, and this one is true: Do not feed your pet chocolate. It's toxic to them. Man, they don't know what they're missing.

For lunch, I think I'll eat my boss

Lunch: It is a universal need. It involves all living and non-living things on earth. All the important matters that have occurred throughout history had been influenced by this single, mouthwatering, noontime routine. Major and minor events that had happened, and continuously happens in our brief timeline had been dictated by this delicious (counting fingers) 5 letter word. Lunch - the powerful entity that is the center of mankind continues to speak to great men and women.: from the men of early civilization (Neanderthal Man: "Ugah, ugah, ugah, ugah, ugah, hey Raspberry Souffle") to the men of the modern era (Gen. Douglas MacArthur: "I shall return, for that piece of chicken, Doris.")


Lunch is probably one of man's greatest gifts to mankind. Who in history would have the strength and perseverance to keep up with their harsh bosses and professors ("harsh" is sugar coating it) without lunch to look forward to. You will agree with me that mankind would cease to exist without that small gap between sucking at your job AM and sucking at your job PM. Lunch - it is the one factor that still keeps us going to work and school. (You know, aside from the salary and stuff)

I speak so highly of lunch, even though I only have thirty measly minutes of it everyday. It is sandwiched between a hectic schedule of daydreaming in Sociology Class and drowsing at Psychology Class. To make matters worse, I often have to eat lunch in front of a computer. I remembered last semester when I actually had the time to do normal lunch routine like talking to your buddies, badmouthing your professors, checking that hot chick across the table and EATING. Yes, EATING in capital letters. The actual performance of getting the edible material from its container, putting it inside a facial opening called mouth, and masticating it to digestible form. Now that's lunch, and unlike homework, it shouldn't be forgotten.


Who doesn't love lunch? Though I only have thirty minutes of it, I savor every grain of rice I eat and every drop of Coke I drink. How about you? How is your lunch? How do you spend that one free hour before you're thrown back to the lion's den?


Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to lunch.

When I said she's smokin', I didn't mean she's hot

(Note:  I am not judging smokers in any way. It's your right to, as most non-smokers put it, "kill yourself." Smoke away.)



A professor told us once that when you, a non-smoker, happens to be lost (unfortunately) in a smoking area, it would be better to smoke a cigarette than inhale all the second-hand smoke your amigos are blowing.


That's a great advice.


By doing so, not only do you inhale the second-hand smoke, you also suck the "primary smoke". Efficient!


I'm not a smoker. I know many who are. During high school, it was the cool stick, the macho maker. You are not cool if you don't smoke, they say. (Of course I never trusted this "cool" tip since the same people also told me that it was cool to listen to Soulja Boy.)

I really don't understand the exact system of our smoker friends. First, they buy a pack (which comes in rainbow colors) of white sticks filled with leaves, called "cigarettes." (I assume the -ettes suggest the minimized size/quantity of the commodity.) Next, they put the orange filtered end they call the cigarette filter or "butt" (or ass, which may also refer to smokers who smoke in hospitals and non-smoking areas) in their mouth. Then they will light the other end, with the use of a (most of the time) borrowed lighter. Lastly, they will absorb through their mouth the produced smoke from the lit leaves and exhale it back to the air (repetitive until there is none left or your mom catches you.)


About 5.5 trillion cigarettes are produced every year, smoked by 1.1 billion (or one out of six) people in the world. Cigarette manufacturers spend about 15.12 billion dollars in advertisements. Marlboro Man, probably the most popular and effective smoking campaign was portrayed by many cowboy costumed men including Wayne McLaren, David Mclean and Dick Hammer. The three of them died of lung cancer.


Okay, since some smokers might bash me in the comments. I don't hate the smokers, just the smoke.

You might also think of quitting, right?